Blogpost 5: Mutuality of Feelings

As you are in love with someone, you trust him/her, interested in all about him/her, accepts everything on him/her. But does that someone feels the same way with you too? Does he love you back? Do both of you have mutual feelings? How would you know?

Some people say that you just have to trust them, besides you can see it with how they interact with you. But what if they’re just lying? They’re just acting and pretending? And how will you be sure? In this blog, I will share what I’ve learned from different articles that has psychological thoughts and scientific explained about mutuality of feelings.

One article entitled, “When Love is Kind: Mutuality in Relationships” by Tina B. Tessina, a licensed psychotherapist in her own site tinatessina.com said that cooperation in your love partner is important, that is what I understand in her article. You must both know that both of you not only to love and to trust each other, but also benefit and support. But how? If both of you are appreciated of being loved, a commitment can thrive, but don’t just tell that you love him/her tell them also if you feel that you are being loved. Your trust shows that you respect each other, and it’ll grow sooner but both of you must equally trust each other.  Make an agreement that both of you can keep it. Another thing is the benefit, what will you get about your relationship? Both of you must know what do you really want from each. And of course the support, we all need something that we want to accomplish, and a support that we give or get is a good sign of relationship. “Mutual love, however, means you can feel secure that you both love and are loved equally, and are approximately equal in your energy for staying together” said by Tina Tessina.

I agree about her concept, cooperation is important to know if the feelings are mutual, and communication is the best way. Talk about it with your partner or even with someone you just like, make know if both of you feels the same way. If its yes, then that’s nice, there’s a possibility of relationship that you can work on.

But again, what if one you were just lying and pretending? Isn’t that selfish and unfair? From one article I've red entitled, “Why do People Fall in Love?” by Bambi Turner one of the contributor of Discovery Channel in their site curiosity.discovery.com They have a video clip where they had a study about two guys, one is married and other were just a stranger. Both of their brains were scanned, examined and compared it while both of them were looking at the girl’s picture (who’s married with the married guy) and the results were there were found lots of difference in their working brain, which says that the married guy is deeply in love with his partner unlike with just a stranger guy. Actually the video was just answering about how people fall in love, they made that study because they want to explain that love is different from lust where the actual answer of Bambi Turner from the question of why do people fall in love is she said that “We fall in love and mate so that we'll eventually reproduce, and our species will continue to survive. Some people believe that love is about much more than sex and reproduction. “

It is amazing that there is a way to find out if both of you loves each other, because with this method it is a hundred sure that it is real because it goes under scanning, examine, and really studied by professional scientist, there’s no way out to lie when science start to discuss.  But do we all have to go through an examination before to make sure if our feelings really mutual? Do we have to spend large money to know if it’s real?

Well another article I’ve red where psychology can see signs about mutuality of feelings, this article entitled, “Are the Feelings Mutual?” by Cauwna Bowman in examiner.com where she describe if someone you are currently dating has the same feelings as yours. Like in texting, if you’re just the one who keeps texting or anything that tries to make conversation and he/she were just occasionally responses with it, well then he/she is no more interested in you, but if you noticed that every time you are with him/her and everything seems fine and great, well Cauwna Bowman said that he/she were just interested in sex, since they just show an interest in physical level, and not the whole you. She said that “More important than any other sign, is your gut. It isn’t really hard to know if someone is into you or not. Unless you’re two of the shyest people on Earth, there has to be a noticeable spark somewhere. When feelings are mutual, there is a level of reciprocity that cannot be ignored. When they aren’t, cue the music and exit stage left. Life is too short to continue to play the guessing game.”

Even not undergoing with an examination, signs could help you to know about your mutuality of feelings, on how they act, and how they interact with you.  Does he exert effort as you do? Makes you special as you are? Even introducing with your friends, does both of you knows the friends of each other? If not, well then the feelings are not mutual. Bu doesn’t mean that it’s over. Get up for sure that there will be someone whose better that could love you as you love them, might be even more.

Finding out the mutuality of feelings in love might be the hardest thing to know, unlike knowing the mutuality of other feelings, such as the anger. We easily determine that the two or more persons had same bad feelings with each other when they start to fight.

 One article entitled, “Factors why People Fight” by Christina Maynard aka Tina V in tina-v.hubpages.com where she explained the main factors of why people fight. The one is compatibility, where the both of you doesn’t compatible or match together, it leads into a misunderstanding. You don’t understand each other, then of course it’ll turn into a fight. The second one is the dishonesty, again, we are talking about trust here again. because once a trust got wounded, it might be healed soon but it leaves a scar. You may forgive that person as if he/she ask an apology, but you won’t forget what have he/she done. This issue will always appear every time you are having an agreement with them again, and with the other side who wants you to forget that and tries to explain but you don’t want to hear more explanation will now lead into a fight. And another reason is the pride, everyone hates when the one has a high pride, who is very confident with their selves and you don’t also want to be the one will risk a pride so that is why fighting will be over and over again. Another are the fear, insecurities, and self-centeredness, once you had a past experience which cause you a trauma and you don’t want to happen that again, you will have your own belief about everything that is also different from what others believe. And an argument could probably start here. Tina said “There are a lot of things that people fight about. As a Human Resource practitioner, I have experienced handling different office and personal conflicts. Oh well, conflicts that sometimes started from a petty and simple conversation. While some were giving opinions that eventually end up into an argument”

Both of you don’t understand each other, you don’t agree with ones idea, you both know that you’re not compatible with each other, you lie together and both of you afraid to swallow the pride, if that’s the case your feelings are mutual. But how would you end it up? Of course it will always be with a nice conversation, talk to each other without disagreeing or defending something, put the pride away together and both of you will be fine.